Gears of War 3 - The delay, the wait and the future

So we were all looking forward to the day in April 2011 when GOW3 finally found itself nestled spinningly in our XBox machines. That won't happen till the fall now, not Cliffy's fault but a commercial decision to make GOW3 the season's big seller. 

The consolation prize is, however, a beta version of the game which we'll be able to test online. That'll do pig, that'll do. Now it's safe to say all GOW fans are still pretty peeved at the delay, but at least we have the teaser to keep us going.

The question is, however, what do we do after it's all over? I have a few suggestions and maybe you will have some too. Feel free share.

1. A prequel. Most obvious, take us back to E-day or even the Pendulum Wars. I favor the former as the Locusts are central to gameplay. I don't think I'll dig fighting/killing humans as much (that'll make it more like the Earthbound titles like COD or MOH). 

2. A Cole 'Train'/Baird series? Now I'm not sure how a story without Marcus would fly, but these two characters have enough charisma to carry a game, and with a little fleshing out and backstory we can add depth to their exploits. Of course one could build a game around Dom and family too. 

3. A fill-in-the-gaps Cole/Baird DL. Might sound weird but I wouldn't mind playing as Cole and Baird on the missions they took on while we played as Dom and Fenix in the first two instalments. Gap fillers have a lot of potential and could include games based on the gaps between each game. 

4. Retrofitting. I can foresee anniversary editions of GOWI with reconstituted visuals - suped up and with new scenes or missions. The deleted scene was a great addition to GOWII and could be a great survey of how similar supplements can be incorporated in any or all of the instalments and any time. This is cool and doesn't necessarily change the integrity or flow of the game as we now know it. 

5. Online innovation. Epic already gives us plenty of surprises online. What with Boomer only Hoard missions, Beast Mode, new map packs and multiplied experience points, and the 4-way campaign among other things, the online possibilities are endless. There's no reason why after the third and final chapter new weaponry, beasts, executions or even characters can't be added or more maps based on the novels included. 

6. The comic as a resource. Lastly for me, the comic and novels have a life of their own and have the potential to breathe more life into the game. Pretty simple.

A part of me (and I'm sure all of us) doesn't want it to end here and sorta believes it won't. At the same time we don't want what happened to The Matrix to happen to GOW. Sometimes just enough really is good enough. 

Jamaican Shotta Makes His Debut on XBOX/PS3 Title "BRINK"

An XBOX Live friend told me about Brink. So I casually checked it out only to be heaved into a world of excitement. Not because it looks like a rapid fire action shooter with magnificent gameplay and excellently designed fighting environments (and even a story to contextualize the all-out violence), No.

I was excited because there's a Jamaican (Rastafarian to be specific) character! Braap! Braap! (that's Jamaican for 'Hurrah!'). The screenshot below shows the Shotta (that's Jamaican for 'gunman'), complete with dreadlocks and colour appropriate Rasta bandana, and what looks like a Reggae Boyz jersey (that's Jamaica's national football team). 

But it gets even better. The part that got me jumping up and down in the impressive cinematic trailer, is when the Shotta fires off a rocket and you see scrawled on the shell casing, 'Jah lick them with thunder'. An oft used invocation by the Afrocentric Yardie (that's Jamaican for...'Jamaican') in reference to hated enemies.  Now it's in standard English, for the non-Jamaicans, but I appreciate the effort and attention brought to Jamaican culture. More accurately it would read 'Jah lick dem wid tunda'.

This is somewhat tongue-in-cheek, but finally our penchant for violence is making it to the big times!

The obvious questions are; were there any Jamaicans directly involved in the project? What sparked the choice of character/s? And how can we take this fortuitous occurrence and learn from it? Truth be told, marketing a country can occur in a great many ways what with the multiplicity of portals from console games, mini-games, smart phone apps and even audio books. Whether unwittingly or not Jamaica's 'appearance' in this game does two things: 1. It brings attention to the Island 2. Develops an albeit indirect sense of pride in the locals. Of course the marketing need not be violence laden, but as they say, any publicity is good publicity - or can be spun thus.

Now in the end, the inclusion of this Jamaican character in the trailer seems to  be a creative choice. The characters are highly customisable, so I don't know how the Jamaicaness figures into the game itself.  But one can find the 'Dreadlocks' on the Brink homepage under the Archetype tab labelled 'The Warrior'. He has an uncanny resemblance to Reggae singer Junior Kelly, sans beard. Judge for yourself.

One might remember the spike in tourism New Zealand experienced as a spin-off of the amazing vistas featured in the Peter Jackson directed Ring trilogy. Then there was the paltry and thinly veiled extended ad for Australia in the self-titled movie starring Nicole Kidman.

                                                                      

Anyway, the question is, how can we get more depictions of Jamaica and more Jamaican talent in the right places? And with reference to that alleged football jersey, we can't forget the Worldwide love affair many had with our 1998 World Cup qualifying team. Our jersey ended up in a Pepsi ad and folks wanted to purchase our jerseys! I, for example am a Jamaican voice over artist eager to enter the gaming industry - I strongly encourage some rich Jamaican to pay my way in...somehow. I'm doing it for my country, of course.

Watch the trailer for Brink. It's pretty awesome. Coming this fall.

Buju Banton's Gold Spoon in Standard English (or thereabouts)

Intro
How is that you are so stunning?!
You must be a contraption that manufactures beauty itself!
Youthful, untainted and verdant I say!

Buju Banton is attending to this issue. Pay attention to this!

Chorus
Woman, based on your stunning appearance I am behoved to shout loudly 'You appear to have been born into wealth and privilege!'. X2

I will declare, 'You are beautiful' loudly to all four points of the compass! I will travel by foot and spread the news everywhere that you are without doubt the best among women.

Tell the World, say I, that Buju B is in charge of all main thoroughfares! What I am declaring is not hear-say!

Chorus X2

You are gorgeous in the dress which you have purchased for yourself!
As a result, let it be known to your lessers that they have not attained your lofty status. And under no circumstance is your couture on loan to you.

Verse 1
Let your peers and adversaries continue with their gossiping, the entire brood is a blight on society.
You, on the other hand, are self-sufficient and upwardly mobile.
If a woman looks on in envy, let her be. If she wishes to gossip about you, so be it.
Their slander is of no consequence to you. It is a mere fact of nature that your status in life only continues to improve by leaps and bounds.

Chorus X2

Verse 2
I give thanks to you, her Mother, for giving birth to her! Her destiny and mine are entwined!

How is it that your beauty is so great? Are you the very source of greatness?
The perfection of your physiognomy suggests that you are the source of physical perfection!
Your ability to dance so well is proof you are a contraption that creates dance itself!
How is it that your very scent is so captivating?

Chorus X2

Bridge
It is a fact that the ladies from Whitehouse have unceasing beauty, and those from the Southern regions are voluptuous without end. The ladies from Dunkirk demonstrate attractiveness that defies description. The women of the upper classes also betray perpetual beauty.

Chorus X2

Woman, the mentally imbalanced behaviour of your peers is a result of your stunning appearance. With this in mind, give full expression to your feelings! You are both untainted and superior!

This translation is dedicated to all woman of character and substance. But most of all to my Empress, 'Di bes widout doubt'.

iPhone OS 4 & The iPad - Software is the Hero, Hardware is the Sidekick

Apple's iPhone OS 4 is set to be unleashed this summer, and of course it also foreshadows what's in store for the iPad 3.0 or 1.3 depending. But I believe, the combination of Multi-Touch technology, the sleekness of the iPad and the dynamism of the software that runs it, heralds a shift in the interaction between hardware and software for all future devices.

What do I mean? Apple's software along with the numerous independently produced apps  effectively changes the function of the physical device. An iPhone, and more so an iPad, is essentially a blank slate - a digital chameleon that takes the shape of whatever you need at any point in time. This could mean that hardware will change far less frequently and perhaps, as environmental issues become more urgent, not change much at all, once the necessary physical facilities are in place (like a camera lens).

The implications are obvious: with limited natural resources, paper-saving digital devices also require resources to be produced, so it makes sense that physical devices will become more static, while software becomes more dynamic. Keyboards need not be produced - the only thing that makes laptop a laptop - when they can exist in a digital space, making tablets far more Eco-friendly products needing fewer resources to manufacture. And let's face it, we can store more data in smaller and smaller physical spaces so it's just a matter of time before tablets, or the iPad, will do everything your laptop can.

That said, computers and many, if not all digital devices, can very well find their existence condensed into one device. It may not be the iPad alone, but the race is likely to be which device will be the ubiquitous one. So far the iPhone/iPad duo is way ahead. Where will the money be made? In Software updates. I can see game consoles selling updates rather than machines. UI's will become the cash cow rather than machines themselves. Perhaps Apple's machines will become ubiquitous while other companies merely fall in line and try to provide the best UI within Apple's physical framework.

Anyway, below are the OS 4 specifics:

iPhone OS 4

iPhone's OS 4 will feature multitasking, among other things, (Jobs made it clear that the OS 4 functionality will feature in the iPad 3rd gen and not the second gen - we wait with sweaty palms), along with a 5X digital zoom for the camera, custom wallpaper, spell check, gift apps among the 100 new features. Also, app developers will be able to design products for of the applications on the iPhone.

To be specific MT means you will be able to access apps while using an app, and pick up where u left off in each application. Very simple, but much desired. 

1. Background audio - featuring Pandora and it's millions of streamed tunes, controlled from the lock screen - buy from iTunes. Play anytime.
2. Skype - Receive calls! Pretty much anytime and still receive your iPhone calls. And use other apps while on Skype calls.
3. Sat Nav/Background location - Background location = Keep receiving directions while using other apps. Low power locating using cell towers rather than GPS. Custom services for each app.
4. Push notifications - All to Apple straight to you.
5. Local notifications - No need for a server. All done on the iPhone.
6. Task completion - Operation in apps continue/are completed even when app is not in use (e.g Facebook photo upload). 
7. Fast app switch - No need to relaunch, restart or restore apps. Just start where you left off.

Other features:

• Home screen folders for apps - auto naming, better organization
• Unified inbox - get all mail in one place, organized by thread/conversation, open attachments, switch bewteen inboxes faster
• iBooks - yep. Nuff said.
• Enterprise - Better data encryption for email and app developers. Receive apps wirelessly not just when plugged in to iTunes.
• Games - Social Gaming Network. Challenge and play with friends. Get matched up with others like with XBox Live. Achievements, leaderboards etc.
• iAd - The moneymaker...for Apple and developers. Keeps free apps free. 'Elegant' commercialisation.The exponential opportunity for ads per app, per usage, per user. 

Lot's more on the Apple website. The link's above - have fun!

Why The Internet Is Beginning to Suck

The internet used to be a place where you could find practically anything. More importantly, it used to be a place where you could find what you were looking for, whatever it was, and Google was a fantastic help in your search. But Google seems to be Googling the life out of the Internet.

I don't know if anyone else has search engine issues, but it appears to me that one now only finds what Google is paid to make you find, rather than what you are looking for. Located in the UK, no matter how much I want to find businesses related my field (I'm a professional voice over) in Hong Kong or Abu Dhabi, UK results relentlessly appear. Why? The point of the internet is that it isn't bounded by borders or limited to geographical location, yet still my search results always seem to be guided ever so subtlety by where I may be at any time. 

Do you remember when YouTube really was about YOU? You could find just about anything on it and post just about anything on it. Then Google happened and the rules changed. What we thought were real life events and people were actually corporate advertising masquerading as real life. What we thought was a place that facilitated freedom of information and expression became loyal to corporate obligation and consumer advertising then subject to litigation and copyright infringement. There is hardly any YOU left in YouTube, and nothing seems to have replaced it as a place for folks to do their thing. Why is this?

The Internet was powerful because it was a communal collective. It was made up of everyone who used it. But its potential for profit has led to all the independent fragments being gobbled up by corporate monsters. Hence the Internet has become centralised. Let's face it, how can you refuse a huge payday as a small business owner, like Facebook's Zuckerburg  or YouTube's Hurley? But as the people cave in, the Internet becomes smaller and less of what it was meant to be. Less of what made it a powerful tool. Sometimes we don't even know when it happens. Nowadays, the Monoliths design their products to appear like boutiques and small creative thinkers - only to purvey a prescribed profit driven agenda that we happily(?) fall for. 

Perhaps we don't fall for it - but it's beginning to feel like we don't have a choice. As corporations appropriate all the cyber-estate and make profit the prime motive of the Netscape, we are left to the mercy of the few. They make rules we have no choice but to follow. Or we succumb to the design and accept it as the only option relinquishing our freedom to create, break boundaries and plumb the depths of Cyberspace.

If not for the continual search to monetize the net, we could be enjoying it in all its piebald, multifaceted, multi-collective glory. And indeed, the demand that the internet should enrich the already dominant media firms seems to be a fait accomplis. But we should stop and ask why their profit must take primacy.

In venting my frustration about the hijacking of the internet and ineffectual search engines, a friend suggested that I conduct more research in order to input more specific search terms, in order to get more targeted results. Only problem is that research is likely to be conducted on...ya. Vicious Circle complete.

The iPad First Look: Underwhelming But Not For the Reasons You Might Think

I'm a Mac fan but I'm not particularly impressed with the iPad. Not because it wasn't what was expected, but because it was exactly what was expected. There is no wow factor in the iPad. Just a 's'aright' factor.

The So-so and So what

It's essentially a giant iPhone/iTouch, which is what most people surmised it would be carrying all the iPhone apps, iWork (with applications custom designed for the iPad). It does everything an iPhone does but make phone calls and worst of all there seems to be NO CAMERA, which makes no sense for a communications product. No mention was made of iChat or instant messaging and with no camera, Skype is out of the question. Doesn't seem to be able to run MS Office - though if it can run iWork - why not? Also, no magazines available. The more you want, the more you will have to pay.

The Up

All the usual stuff: iTunes, movies and yes, books, newspapers - and the exciting addition of iBooks bookstore. It's the addition of the print material that makes it exciting, but not exciting enough to say, 'supercalifragelisticexpialidoshous'.  It'll make lots of money for Apple. It does have a 10 hour battery life - but under what circumstances?

It will be unlocked and free to use with the AT&T contract flexible and can be dropped anytime. Oh, and the screen is 9.7" on the diagonal.

The price makes it fairly accessible starting at $499 US and going up to $829 US depending on the AT&T download quota you buy and whether it's a 3G model. All models come with Wi-Fi.

What I'm hoping is that it can do more than was said. Apple does have a habit of including plusses without mentioning them. But in the end, it's disappointing because it didn't live above expectations - and that's what we're used to with Apple. I will happily wait for the next gen model to see if it has a camera, will be ever-so-slightly bigger and can run OS X along with other apps like GarageBand.

The one possible salvation is the exponential effect of APPS. The SDK kit is already available for developers to start on the new stuff for the iPad. I can imagine writing apps that might require a stylus and maybe even design apps for the artists. Who knows. I think Apple may have been banking on the as yet unknown apps to bolster the iPad in the way they have the iPhone.

The wait is over, and so is the revolution...at least for now.

Check this link for more details. This link is for the first hands on test.

It's to reach stores in 60 days and the 3G models 30 days later. International markets will see it in June.

What Do You Want the Fabled Apple Tablet To Do?

It's only  a rumour,  but seems to be accepted as a given and all eyes are eagerly anticipating the Jan 26 'launch date'.

If and when it happens, what will this device do? What will it look like? For certain is it now set up be the greatest technological disappointment or phenom for the new decade.

But if you could design your tablet - what would it be like? What functions would you want? How would it work?

My take:

• It would be the size of a closed Macbook but as thin as an iPhone. 
• The screen would be about 13 inches and it would have all the function of a Macbook. 
• It would have a hard shell swivel screen cover that could double as a stand to keep the screen upright.
• A touch screen keyboard and some smart external keyboard attachment - the touch keyboard has customisable options that regulate: size, transparency, key position and function, and general interface (an iPhone interface or the iTablet interface - whatever that is).
• It would have a built in mouse - nothing more than a tiny ball or touch pad - about 1/4 the size of the pad on a Macbook.
• Some buttons would be included on the side panel but can be customised.
• Keys could have multifunction built in. Press the 2 and the @ and € also pop up a al iPhone and you can punch your option with another finger. Simples.

Love to hear your ideas.

Avatar: Not Racist, But Hollywood Might Be...Even Against Whites

Finally saw it. The 2D version though - but it was obviously a movie made for 3D. I'll get around to it. Now, is it racist? No, Avatar isn't racist but the prevailing culture of Hollywood is proving to be. At one time it most definitely was, so one could accept that the thinking hasn't disappeared just yet. We already know that leading roles for blacks are few and far between, and there are only a couple leading black names out there. One article included this rationalisation:

Robinne Lee, an actress in such recent films as "Seven Pounds" and "Hotel for Dogs," said that  "Avatar" was "beautiful" and that she understood the economic logic of casting a white lead if most of the audience is white.

The problem with this rationalisation is that blockbuster movies featuring white dominant casts are sold to all audiences around the world - and not just white audiences. Indeed, non-white audiences have been subject to white dominated US television and feature films for quite a long time, and have lived with it. Spike Lee only came out with Do The Right Thing in 1989 - still a relatively recent development and the idea that audiences can only consume material featuring their own race just doesn't compute.

Oprah, Will Smith, Tiger Woods (too soon?), Michael Jordon, Denzel Washington, Friends, Sex in The City,  The Wire, and a host of other examples, can be cited as stars and features that have a broad appeal simply because they are marketed that way, are very good at what they do or because they are part of the same species (i.e. Human). I, as a black man, have watched countless films with non-black leads (or no non-whites whatsoever) and  have yet to turn into a pumpkin as a result. 

White & American
But the idea that mass appeal equals white, dominates American media. This seeming insistence that white (and white blonde in particular for women) sells is manifest in the 'Blonding' of Beyonce, Christina Aguilera, Madonna, Lindsay Lohan, Lady Gaga and Jennifer Morrison (House MD) as their careers have evolved - or to help their careers evolve? Yes, it appears that even if you are white you have to be the right kind of white to have appeal. 

Jamaican songstress Tami Chynn, former label mate of Lady Gaga, also went blonde, but perhaps too late,

Chynn claimed that her Chinese-black ethnicity hurt her in an industry where musical genres tend to be race defined. "My label made it very clear to me that they were not sure what to do with me because I was a seemingly white girl who was not white but also Chinese and Black," she said. "An (atypical) Jamaican girl is exactly what made them love me and exactly what made them not know what to do with me. That is why the first album was released in Japan only," she explained.

The gatekeepers seem to be convinced that ethnic groups (and that includes whites) only buy products from 'their own'. We know this not to be true, though it may be true to a limited extent. That said, I suggest that much of what we see in 'society' is not society but the perspective of society and its various groups manufactured by film makers and advertisers as they define markets with stereotypes and conceptual targets. 


But the bias doesn't end there. Earth is apparently made up of only one nation: The United States of America. Cameron had the opportunity to portray not only multi-ethinic characters, but multi-national characters, the plot being depicted as a Global initiative and expedition. But true to Hollywood only Americans are heroes - whatever their race (Michelle Rodriguez is Hispanic American), and the only country on earth is the USA. The main character, Jake Sully, was played by Australian actor Sam Worthington, why couldn't he simply have been an Australian Earthling? Would Americans explode upon hearing an Auzzie accent? I think not.

Avatar itself was a critique of racial prejudice (amongst other things) but, perhaps unwittingly, perpetuated prejudice in its production more than its presentation. The dominant group tends to see itself as the standard, normal - the touchstone of humanity, and is usually oblivious to its own bias. Everyone else is a novel addition to the wonderful world of 'diversity'. However, we can't ignore Cameron's efforts to make a movie with a 'universal conscience' or the unavoidable limitations of one man's universe.

Apple Tablet: the various envisionings and images of the fabled device

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WHICH DO YOU LIKE MOST?

Panic Attack and the $300 Budget - Both Very Good Works of Fiction

Sorry. This assertion of a $300 budget just doesn't wash with me.

Firstly, the camera that filmed this movie cost more than $300, unless it was made from recycled parts found in the city dump. The animation cost more $300 as did all the actors and city shots. The only way this film cost $300 is if one guy did every single thing including act as buildings and scenery and all the extras.

At best this is a publicity stunt advertising a movie that is either complete or in production. It's following on the heels of District 9 - a great Sci Fi NOT based in the US or with any big name actors and no doubt trying to follow in its footsteps. Don't get me wrong. It is a great piece of work, and an excellent piece of PR.

At best, the budget was $300 on paper and he overshot it by about $999, 700. If the budget for this film was $300 then Avatar's budget was $3000.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Looking forward to the release of Panic Attack and finding out exactly which big movie house is behind this.

What I Learned About Vampires from Twilight

Yes, I am prodigiously late having just watched Twilight and I suppose I must now watch New Moon. But nevertheless I have been educated in the world of Vampires according to Stephenie Myer.

1. White Vampires are pallid, Black Vampires are...Black. One notices the distinct ashen tone of all the white vampires in Twilight (which are all the vampires save the dreadlocked Laurent) apparently due to their avoidance, but not abhorrence, of sunlight. Laurent however, is a cool, dark shade of black. No sun deprivation there, and proof that a sweet shade don't fade and good black don't crack.

2. Vampires are pallid purely by choice...and stupidity. Unlike traditional vampire lore, Twilight vampires don't combust in sunlight, they just glisten with diamond studded sensuality. But the blinginess of their skin would make them the envy of the more flamboyant denizens of the gay community so they opt out. But why don't they just catch some sun when no ones looking? Maybe sun block will disguise the sparkly skin? Whatever the case, if they don't burn up in sunlight there's no good reason why they can't work on a much needed tan.

3. Vampire movie dreadlocks look real! Edi Gathegi's dreadlocks were fabulous unlike many movie manes (like those in Segal's Marked for Death for example). Can't say the same for his accent though, couldn't tell if he was from Abu Dhabi or Alpha Centauri. 

4. Dating A Vampire = Abstinence. Maybe a tacit object lesson sneaked in by Myer? But it is implied that Bella and Edward did not consummate their relationship in this first Vampiric instalment. In mid embrace Edward backs off afraid that in the throws of passion he might mistakenly eat Bella for a midnight snack. Understandable concern. They instead opt for emotional intimacy rather than physical. A commendable element no doubt completely overlooked by hormonal teenagers and menopausal cougars.

5. Only good looking people can become vampires. Yes, the Ugly Betty's of the world can rest assured that no one will come looking for their blood. Well, maybe their blood but not their eternal, torturous bloodlusty companionship. We all know that the standard of unobtainable beauty is perpetuated by Hollywood. Not only that but if enough people think someone is hot, mass hysteria takes over and even Jabba the Hut becomes world's sexiest...sentient blob of the year. Still secretly, I envy Pattinson's finely sculpted eyebrows. Rowwwrrrr! In the end, an ugly person (by what standard?) is the fast food of the vampire world - in abundant supply, you don't want to eat it, but it's there so you might as well. 

Most Haunted Live: 8 Nights of Restrained Sniggers

I'm not saying that the 'other world' doesn't exist and I'm not saying that spirits or metaphysical phenomena can't affect us in some way.  But I am saying that the Most Haunted Live 8 day Halloween Special will rid you of any kind of supernatural belief.

Firstly, how did they get the air time of 4 hours a night for 8 days straight? Who paid for this celebration of reported and super-subjective 'maybes'? And how did they get a live audience to commit to  4 hours of watching strangers bounce into each other in the dark? Ok, I've only watched one night, but what a borefest! Nothing happens...NOTHING HAPPENS. It is 4 hours of people standing in the dark accidentally scaring each other, being mesmerised by old Christmas decorations, saying, 'did you hear that?' in urgent tones and being completely fascinated by the workings of electrical light switches. Oh, and spelling names with a glass tumbler. Wow.

I am a theist, but I'm a huge skeptic in matters of the paranormal and MHL is not helping the case. As usual ghosts can only be found in complete  darkness and only turn up when the camera is in the other room. Cheeky. Further, the only evidence of ghosts is what some guy 'feels' at any given moment, malfunctioning electronic equipment (wow, maybe ghosts are the reason Vista sucked so bad) and sounds that no one but the enigmatic clairvoyant host hears.

Surely the MC who provides continuity is stifling guffaws as he gravely summarizes the 'events' of each evening. And then what about the promised 'faces of evil', where's the flying furniture and rotating heads? I'm sorry folks but if I'm going to be wooed to the paranormal I'm going to need normal evidence. The only ghosts that are haunting that show are ones that will appear in your dreams after you've been effectively lulled into a deep, deep sleezzzzzzzzzz...

Things That A Windows Operating Systems Is Like

Dead Beat Dad - Always promises to show up but never does.  


'High Class' Prostitutes - Highly priced but leave you vulnerable to viruses (so I've heard).  


Russian Roulette - It's just a matter of time before...bam!  


Drunk Drivers - Think they can drive but end up crashing and hurting everyone else but themselves in the process.


Hypochondriac - Always thinks something is wrong with itself except when something is actually wrong.


Rotting Tree Stump - A thriving ecosystem of bugs.

Please...add your own

New Cadbury's Ad - What do you think?

Chris Rock's Good Hair

Obama: Nobel Prizes & Noble Gestures

Obama received the Nobel Peace Prize! Wow!

Looks like the world's love affair with one of the most articulate  and inspiring orators and diplomats of our time is not yet over, contrary to one CNN report.

It hasn't been a year yet since Obama took office, but his charisma, thoughtful rhetoric and distinctive equanimity (some might add good looks) captured the world's attention years before the election. The amazing thing about the  celebration around Obama is that people are taken with his character and approach, rather than his politics. Indeed, the strong suggestion is that the former dictates the latter.

However, one is tempted to think that this was a rather last minute decision. His official advocacy of nuclear disarmament was a relatively recent affair. Well, everything he has said or done is relatively recent. Perhaps the other candidates were more deserving? Maybe Obama could have copped next year's award?

Then again the issue isn't time so much as the dearth of precedent associated with the Obama persona. Apart from  his race, when was the last time a US President - or premier of any nuclear nation for that matter - proposed a reduction in atomic weaponry? One may be tempted to believe that Obama is actually an advocate of peace!

Of course the implications are somewhat worrisome. Obama is threatening a multi-billion dollar industry. War makes money. The Iraq War has been  a very public and practical illustration thereof, so what kind of corporate opposition will he face? Then again, peace is also about action, and no reduction in nuclear arms has taken place yet - only the proposition of such (not to mention two on-going wars).

A debate regarding Obama's worthiness of (and indeed the motives/agenda behind) receiving the Nobel Peace Prize is likely to follow closely behind this announcement (indeed this discourse is part of it), and perhaps it should do. I am certainly in Obama's camp, but wish him to keep his cool head and determined posture, after all, titles and awards have been known to steal substance and action. The reward in this case is not a peace prize - but peace itself, and that is still far from mission accomplished.

Michael Moore's Capitalism: A Love Story

Review: Crest Whitestrips Pro-Effects Enamel Safe Formula

I was on the verge of heading to the dentist to pay anything from £150 to £400 to get my teeth whitened. Fortunately a clever, resourceful wife came to the rescue - as did Crest Whitestrips. A little research revealed that Crest was the preferred brand when it came to teeth whiteners, and that their Pro Effects formula the preferred treatment. I wasn't disappointed.

The product guarantees whiter teeth for 18 months. I've only just finished the regimen so I can't speak to that, but I can safely say that my teeth are at least 6 shades whiter, and for only £22 (including shipping)! You get 40 strips in all, for a 10-day treatment of both upper and lower teeth (you are meant to apply 2 pairs per day - morning and evening for 1 half hour).

The first couple applications may be a bit tricky and uncomfortable but you quickly learn how to put them on with ease. They are very flexible and do indeed mould to the shape of your teeth quite snugly (like cling wrap but thicker). There was a little stinging around my gum line on the first couple applications, but that didn't last long and it wasn't painful.

You do taste a bit of the bleach but it's not horrible - kind of like strong toothpaste, and I have to admit that I was happy for the treatment to come to and end. But that's the cool part; it's over before you know it. Many other whitening treatments tend to result in tooth sensitivity. Happy to say that I have experienced no such sensitivity as the product promises.

I recommend it without reservation and ordering on Amazon was a doddle. It arrived the very next day.

Awards Shows: Everybody Loses but the Winner

I must admit I didn't watch this year's Emmy Awards.  I kind of regret it since at least one review had it as an improvement on last year and quite entertaining.

But I don't regret it that much. Ever since Billy Crystal retired from hosting the Academy Awards, I have genuinely wondered what the point of watching people collect awards is. We like the shows, and yes the actors - but only they really care about the awards. We're just nosing in on the fulfilment of their efforts, their downward spiral into depression because their peers refuse to acknowledge their hard work/talent and the progress, or lack thereof, of Hollywood's ethnic diversity.

Sure, the results are something to grab some interest, for a few seconds, but to have to go through a couple hours of hearing them? I'd rather just get the results after the fact or just watch the highlights. It takes less time and energy.

I counted 36 categories in this year's Emmy Awards and there were apparently 24 categories in last year's Oscars (though it somehow feels like 2, 234 categories). But honestly, we're only interested in the Best Actor and Best Picture awards, and even then we just want to know who wins. Hearing their speech isn't that important - unless it's something tongue-in-cheek and loaded like Denzel Washington's 'Waddya know. Two birds in one night' comment when himself and Halle Berry walked away with the Best Actor/Actress statuettes respectively.

Awards ceremonies are for the industry not the audience. If they want us to care or watch every year then make it as interesting/funny/entertaining as the shows being awarded. One would think that with all the talent around they could do that easily, but no, apparently not.

I am always fascinated that accomplished actors who stun an audience with an amazing and believable (sometimes half or fully nude) on-screen performance, then sound like a 3rd grader acting like a robot reading from the teleprompter. They look shy, awkward and even embarrassed (to be fully clothed?), just to stand for a few seconds before an audience of a few hundred people. What's up with that?

Fine, rehearsed and recorded performance is different from live stage work. But, come on, pretend like everyone is in their underwear then.

Still congrats to all the winn...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Cartoons: An Animated Discussion

I love cartoons. I've never stopped watching them. Batfink, Top Cat, Captain Caveman, GI Joe and of course Scooby Doo, all when I was a kid (not to mention the Flintstones - and then junk like the Osmonds - ugh). More recently, it's Dragon Ball and DBZ, The Last Airbender, Spongebob Squarepants, Jimmy Neutron and The Powerpuff Girls. But I've noticed something - cartoons nowadays are made for adults. I'm not talking about The Simpsons or Family Guy - they are clearly adult themed. But the stuff for kids is adult targeted as well. So before you accuse me of being immature enough to still relish my Aang and Goku, it's not my fault - the writing is so good and they put references in these toons that only 20 or 30 somethings (and even older) could understand.

 For babies or Baby Boomers?

Powerpuff Girls - man Mojo Jojo is the greatest supervillain ever. The humour is fantastic - the colours and slapstick clearly appeal to kids. But the episode called The Beat Alls was a Baby Boomers flashback. The arch villains of the PPG's unite to form the Beat Alls (because they were to 'beat all' others). Well into the evil ensemble's reign, Mojo Jojo was lured away by a Japanese primate, and this of course dissolved the fab troupe. If you don't get the reference yet - it's the Beatles - broken up when Yoko Ono came along and poached Lennon (or so the story goes).

Jimmy Neutron features lots of music, and usually copyright friendly very recognizable versions of popular groups or songs - like Blink 182. There was a very Benny Hill-like chase scene complete with the strikingly similar music in one episode. It included the requisite line of pursuit sped up and goofy as ever in true Hill style. You'd have to have a few years under your belt to get that reference and some of you reading this probably don't know who Benny Hill is! In which case you get my point.

They could never catch this guy - is he Osama?

Death

Then there's death. In GI Joe, no matter how much firepower they threw at Cobra - or vice versa - nobody ever died. Cobra soldiers always parachuted out of their personal flight vehicles just in time, everytime. Then of course after the standard fierce battle and foiled run for world domination, Cobra would escape. The young kid would then shout 'Duke, they're getting away!', Duke would respond 'It's ok. We'll get them next time'. In todays cartoons, bad guys drop like inner city drug dealers. DBZ, Goku, the hero actually died. My all-time favourite episode of DBZ is when Goku returns from the 'other world' after 7 years. Man it was tear jerking - you have to know the story to understand.

I think the first kids cartoon I saw where folks died was Batman Beyond. I was wasn't shocked, it was actually relieving. The idea that no matter what you did, the badguys would always get away conveyed through GI Joe - and most other cartoons where it was always the same villain (like Mumrah, Skeletor and Hugo a Go Go) - was a bit disturbing.

Sometimes a punk needs to get smoked! Come to think of it - did Monstar ever get sent up the river Styx? It makes me wonder what the heck Mumrah was fighting for, cause it was only ever the Thunder Cats on a piece of desertified rock fighting Mumrah for no apparent reason.

Women

There was always only one girl in old-school cartoons. One girl in Thudercats, in He-Man, Silverhawks, The Smurfs and GI Joe. And no one ever seemed to have a romantic interest in her. It was just weird. Why were girls alway outnumbered in older cartoons? Well not always, Scoob and co had some equality of the sexes going on. Spongebob, however, features only one female main - Sandy the butch squirrel. But that raises something rather contraversial.

Hidden Genders?

Wearing his heart on his head?

The Spongy One has had some questionable content. One of the early episodes had Spongbob asking Patrick to be his valentine with a giant chocolate heart-shaped balloon. Kinda odd for children's telly. Spongebob declared in one episode that he 'wasn't on the menu' - what did he mean by that? Maybe the child rearing episode might shed some light. Himself and Patrick raised a baby clam and Sponge became a busy housewife complete with rollers and night dress while Patrick was the tie-wearing, suitcase carrying Dad/husband. Could it be a reference to gay marriage? Squidward is a quintessential urbane character who likes ballet, modern dance and was the make-up artist for a motion picture endeavour - ahem?! You tell me. Then there has been repeated rainbow imagery in Spongebob. From rainbow wigs, 'imagination' rainbows and pretty pattie rainbows.

The colours of an agenda?

In case you don't know, rainbows are the universal gay emblem. I'm not saying the Sponge is gay, just noting what I see in one of my most favourite cartoons. But even if he was gay, that wouldn't be the problem, rather it would be in the transparency (or lack thereof) of the agenda. Then again Bugs Bunny would frequently lay wet kisses on Porky the Pig and Elmer Fudd.

Race

At some point, kids cartoons began to be about 'real' issues (mind you Charlie Brown always was - but I don't think CB was ever for kids as it bored the tar outta me) like crushes and romance, discrimination, single parenting and death and divorce etc. A some point cartoons began to reflect the kids who watched them. More female characters took the fore (As Told by Ginger, Kimpossible, Totally Spies and PPG for example), and there was even some amount of racial diversity. I still think there is a white heavy leaning on the race front - but the new Transformers Animated has a distinctly minority heavy cast, particularly Black and Asian characters.

In some ways cartoons avoided race by having non-human characters. But c'mon, we all know Panthro's a black dude. And Smurfs defintely aren't black cause no black guy would walk around shirtless in white leotards and a jaunty white beret (not according the US black culture). We all know Disney hasn't portrayed a black lead character (though a black female lead is waiting in the wings). The closest they came was the Lion King, and Mufasa died like all black characters do - and he was a lion - so that doesn't count.

I like the turn most cartoons have taken. But it does have a dark side. Are we using kids programming to programme kids? Sometimes the content seems too adult. Whether its overly sexy, underwear prancing, anorexia inducing Brats or the amazing power Power Rangers had to make 4 year olds kick you in the shins. If Spongebob is gay and there is a hidden agenda to advance the cause or promote tolerance (which is not a bad thing if unhidden) is it the right platform to do this? Shouldn't cartoons be just about entertainment? The worst thing old-school cartoons did was plant the desire for kids to join the special forces and kill the never dying enemy....hmmm.

I still love cartoons. Can't imagine I will ever stop. But...here's the pun you've been waiting for....you draw your own conclusions. Booyah!